i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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