I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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