Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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