The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
