Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
