Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
