You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
