I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
