i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
