I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
