Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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