so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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