I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
