Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
