doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
