Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
