its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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