meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
