How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
