Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
