New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
