I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
