ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
