i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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