i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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