i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
