I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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