Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
