I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
