Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize