So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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