they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
