Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
