Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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