I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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