If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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