Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
