I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She is in my trunk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
