i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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