This is not my ceiling
another moral hangover. fuck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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