please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
