I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
