How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
should my penis look like a turkey
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
