You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
