the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
