I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
