I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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