well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
