I could have mohawked her pubes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize