Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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