you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
