also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
