If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
