I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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