I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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