i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
