Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
