i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
