When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
