did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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