im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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