people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize