What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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