you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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