no, he came in my armpit
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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