i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
