Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
