I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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