I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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