If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize