My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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