this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
