i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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